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General Discussion Random Rant

I’m not sure what sparked this post, maybe the whiskey, but I’m just kind of riding my train of thought here, so bear with me please.

I have a running battle with depression and loneliness that I’d like to address. Now, I don’t mean it in a clinical sense because it certainly isn’t crippling by any means and I would never want to trivialize anyone’s medical plight. I more mean it in a simply empty, emotionally taxing way. The kind of backdrop void that follows me on my day to day.

The only reason I bring this up in this venue is that I believe there is a direct link between this sense of unbelonging and contempt for the general populace and the music we connect with. We often rant and rave about the fact that our favorite musicians are criminally slept on but I think the truth of the matter is that we are a supremely unique niche of people that can possibly appreciate the depth, intricacy, honesty, and (for us) relatability of the music QN5 puts out. We love this music because it speaks to our inner demons and struggles we’ve been put through. It’s no secret that fans of Tone and the rest of the crew are deeply intellectual and talented individuals. I see it here every day in the posts.

Back to my point. I’d love to be able to share Polymer or anything else with my friends and acquaintances but I’ve been rebuffed or simply given a polite dismissal time and time again when I have attempted in the past.

I missed my point again. Loneliness. Don’t get me wrong. I have a ton of close friends and am a very social and jovial individual and can bring the life to any party I attend. But it’s all a facade. I’ve never met a single person that can relate to me on this level (other than you all). This level that involves dissecting and analyzing the personal self and society as a whole, brought together by the discography of QN5.

I’m enraptured by the content but can’t relate with the people around me who don’t feel the same. It’s not their fault. They are different people than me. It’s a selfish kind of hate. I don’t know what to do with this angst. I want to share but it doesn’t mesh with their palate. Perfectly reasonable.

I don’t post here much. I probably never will. But I appreciate to the depths of my heart that you all are here. It’s powerful to know that others are out there.

Reading back, I realize that this is a drunken rant on a lonely night. But I just want everyone here to know that I appreciate and relate with you. I want the artists to know that this music and community has helped me and allowed me to evolve in the warring storyboard of my life. Thank you all so much.

Reporting live from San Diego, keep your chin up and “Don’t imagine a tragic end to the book when there’s not. You got to try to rewrite in spite of how crooked the plot”

QNFilter in full effect.

I totally recognise the plight. I’ve spent over a decade as a QN5 fan and spent the vast majority of that time with people giving me funny looks. I’ve converted some close friends and girlfriends over the years which has made it more manageable, but for a long time it did make me feel quite alone.. as everyone else rushes to talk about the latest Kanye album or whatever.

Meeting people at shows was a big help, the Megashow ESPECIALLY. I’ve made a number of, hopefully, lifelong friends from this forum and as a result don’t feel like that anymore. A lot of my hard work promoting stuff still falls on deaf ears a lot of the time, but I’m less insecure about that now. If they bother then that’s great, if not then it’s probably not for them anyway - I’ve learnt not to take it personally.

The music side of things might be a contributing factor, but I’m guessing it’s not the only thing that’s making you feel alone and depressed. I can confidently say that I’ve spent the last decade of my life dealing with those issues in different degrees and have felt the absolute worst of it on multiple occasions.. so I can certainly relate.

My advice is to really think about what you can do to change the situation, because it won’t change if you try to wait it out. What can you do to improve yourself? Where can you go to meet new likeminded people? Find activities that will make you feel good about yourself. Find a way to build confidence. I’m not saying it’s easy, sometimes you have to hit the absolute bottom before you find the strength to come back up - but it starts and ends with you alone.

You seem like a good guy… and there are others out there. You just have to find ‘em instead of expecting them to find you.

Hey man.

First thing - I’m sorry you feel so alone. It’s an awful thing to have to deal with. While I do not know the specifics of your situation, loneliness is something I’ve wrestled with for the better part of the past decade, and it’s something I continue to wrestle with today.

I think that what you are experiencing is totally valid. There is no need for a medical diagnosis to validate or invalidate the fact that you are experiencing loneliness, or the fact that this experience hurts.

You don’t need to justify feeling lonely. It happens, and in cases like ours it happens when (for whatever reasons cultural, environmental, and genetic) our personalities and preferences simply don’t “mesh” with what is considered the social norm around us. Without getting into too much detail, modern approaches to psychology validate this. Mental health diagnoses differ widely in countries around the world not just in terms of prevalence, but sometimes in terms of outright existence. In other words, a lot of it is a question of how cultural norms interact with individual experiences.

Nor do you need to justify why it does hurt. Science is on your side there, too. Loneliness measurably alters our physiology. It changes the way we perceive things like pain. In other words, it isn’t at all a question of strength or weakness or judgment: loneliness hurts.

I’m spending time on these points because I think this first thing is very important: your feelings are valid. And I think that you’re right, those differences probably do explain why a lot of us are here.

As time has gone on, I’ve come to realize that a lot of these feelings have to do with perspective. That it’s perfectly understandable for loneliness to hurt…but it doesn’t have to. For example, a famous study from a few years back demonstrated that lonely people tend to have poorer health outcomes than people who are frequently alone.

That’s interesting isn’t it? When I first read that it kind of cracked open a little sunray of insight for me. “You’re telling me it’s possible to be alone…but not feel lonely? Huh.”

Buddhist spirituality teaches the exact same thing. This in particular is a teaching I love:

Usually we regard loneliness as an enemy. Heartache is not something we choose to invite in. It’s restless and pregnant and hot with the desire to escape and find something or someone to keep us company. When we can rest in the middle, we begin to have a nonthreatening relationship with loneliness, a relaxing and cooling loneliness that completely turns our usual fearful patterns upside down.

Feel me? There’s some nuance there. Aloneness is an objective state of being. It’s also a universal part of human experience. Everyone feels it at one point or another. Loneliness though, that’s a question of how we relate to our aloneness: whether we view it as something alien, undesirable, to be escaped, to resent, to be feared…or as something normal, neutral, to be neither escaped nor grasped after, non-threatening.

Changing that mode of relationship is something that can take a lot of time, and a lot of energy. It asks you to work directly with your inner space, with your mind’s habits and patterns. But it’s also what’s given me the deepest and longest lasting peace over these past few years—a peace independent of external circumstance.

Just throwing it out there as an option, since—as you rightly pointed out—many of us tend to lean toward the internal anyway. I think Epic’s advice is great too. I don’t think the approaches are mutually exclusive.

Wishing you the best. As you know, we’re here if you need us. Don’t be any more of a stranger than you prefer to be.

It’s so crazy that you bring this up because I had a response typed up relating to this in response to something someone said in the Polymer thread but it was kind of negative a depressing and counter to the main point of “promotion” so I restrained myself and didn’t post it but here is what I was going to type:

tak08810 said:A lot of people get super impressed by complex rhyme schemes.

Not in my experience.  I absolutely love it but the majority of rap fans don’t care for it, I think some hate it. Besides Eminem there really aren’t any popular or even sub popular emcees doing it at even half the level Tone does. I’m pretty sure Eminem’s popularity stems from a lot more than this skill of his, if it even does at all. For the sake of Tone being socially and thus financially successful I do wish more people liked this type of rap but from my experience it just isn’t so. There’s always the possibility that most people don’t know this type of rap exists, I listened to rap for like 8 years before I discovered this type of rap but of course that was the time before the Internet explosion, now I feel like these kids have no excuse not to find this type of rap especially since Tone has been doing it for almost 2 decades. I don’t think there’s any rapper that’s been rapping for 2 decades that I don’t know about no matter how small. But of course I’m obsessed with music. All that being said, I don’t really keep up with trends so I really don’t know what’s selling these days.

Sorry to go off on a tangent to the topic.

It’s ironic how Tone has the perfect voice and skill to do commercials and yet here we are trying to think of ways to promote his music. Tone could probably do a voice over commercial better than anyone he could find to do it. I definitely think he should be using it for commercials for Polymer.

This speaks to how unique we are but that’s not to say others aren’t unique in their own way. Sometimes I ask myself am I being too sensitive, I never really believed in that zodiac sign stuff but I’m a Cancer and I once heard that Cancers are really sensitive. Maybe I’m taking this fact that I’m so unique too seriously. No two people are alike even though it seems that way by the way they listen to the same exact music. Some people are ridiculous though, just a few minutes ago I was on Periscope with some guy looking for new music and as he was checking out the YouTube song of an artist some other viewer suggested the first thing he noticed and replied was “this guy only has 48 views”. Then he already had this ready to not like this artist feeling as he was making remarks as such. I was like wow, there are still people like that, that judge an artist based on their popularity. People can’t think for themselves, they’ve been doing things in groups so long they don’t know how to do things by themselves. Anyway I’m starting to go off on a rant so I’m going to stop. I really don’t care what others are listening to but it is kind of weird to love something so much and see that that same thing is meaningless to others. I tell myself I don’t care but maybe I do, it’s not a choice to care or not. Anyway, stay up.

I feel you though. Keep doing you, nothing else you can do.

deStructuralized said:Aloneness is an objective state of being. It’s also a universal part of human experience. Everyone feels it at one point or another. Loneliness though, that’s a question of how we relate to our aloneness: whether we view it as something alien, undesirable, to be escaped, to resent, to be feared…or as something normal, neutral, to be neither escaped nor grasped after, non-threatening.

Yeah this is something I completely forgot to mention, actually - I’ve become much more comfortable with being ‘alone’ as I’ve gotten older. I’ve learned to appreciate it frankly and become much better at going “actually, you know what.. I’d rather be by myself right now”.

If you can get that down AND improve the other aspects of your life so you have a better balance? that’s the one.

I want to thank those that responded to this. If I’m being honest, I was a little embarrassed when I woke up in the morning and realized I posted this. That doesn’t take away from the validity of what I was feeling at the the time but I usually don’t lash out on social media with my emotions.

That being said, I don’t want this to be a metaphorical red flag as someone that should be coddled or watched. I had a few too many last night and was in a bad state with some external issues that I won’t advertise.

In truth, I’ve very much come to terms with my alone time. In fact, I cherish it. But sometimes those bad nights hit you hard, you know?

Regardless, I appreciate the support from this community. I’ve often relied on it from a passive perspective. I respect the lot of you and love the intricate perspectives you’ve put forth in response.

Cheers to the QNCommunity. You guys are awesome.

We’re a family. Just lookin’ out Wink

Aphorism, you may have trouble finding others that will relate to you. Remember though, we are out here, scattered, but we do care about you and we all really appreciate QN5 Music.

It’s weird attributing what I feel is a lot of my influence in my foundation of building blocks to one person, or persons, especially when I don’t know them personally. But I feel like I do owe homage, and the words said in their music resonated so well back then that I felt like they were written for me exclusively.

This is the power of music and its relation to group therapy. We can hear, feel, and absorb certain words or statements that resemble our lives, and simultaneously we are able process our own experiences.

With respects on understanding each other, we are able to find a normalization in our shared experiences that connects us. This wouldn’t become possible without these artists putting away the braggadocio role that rap anticipates, and telling us a story or using witty wordplay to get their point across.

As males we usually lack the ability to share our experiences, as we were not given many avenues of acceptable behaviour outside of aggression (thank you qn5 music for showing various outlets). We simply weren’t given those tools, and if we did see them, we still would have no idea how the application process works to use these tools.

Music made by QN5 is a great form of group therapy. As they told us their struggles, many of us were able to relate, that usually led to some form of empowerment. This realness that was exhibited allowed many of us to fill in the gaps of life that would be missing if we listened to other shit.

QN5 Music = Group therapy